My wife, my in-laws, and I recently took a trip to Reno to hang out, eat some quality food, and do a little gambling. We had a nice time overall, but there were some things that popped up that I hadn’t expected. As in all things, the reality doesn’t always live up to the advertisements.
First, my wife and I spent a little extra on our hotel room because it was the “Deluxe, spa, suite.” That sounded really cool, but what it meant was simply they had dropped a bathtub in the middle of the bedroom. Not even a jacuzzi with water jets, but just a big, square bathtub. Who the heck wants a bathtub in the middle of the bedroom? Especially when the positioning of the tub forced the decorators to put the bed in a corner with no view of the window or the television set.
Granted, I probably watch too much TV already, and didn’t need to watch more while on vacation. But still. It would have been nice to have the choice.
Second, the food was definitely sub par. I thought Reno had come a long way from the days of $3 dollar buffets with two-day-old food in the trays. Nope. The restaurants are all new and much fancier, but the food still seems to be coming from the same slop bucket in the back alley. The only real difference is the cost. My wife and I ordered one sandwich with fries to be delivered to our hotel room from a restaurant literally thirty steps from our door.
The sandwich cost $30. About a dollar per step. I suppose it’s a good thing we weren’t any further away or we might have blown our whole budget for the weekend on one shrimp po’boy. For thirty dollars, I would think the sandwich should have come with edible gold flakes sprinkled over it and a generous dollop of caviar in the middle of the fries.
Again, nope. If there was anything dolloped on our food prior to its arrival at our hotel room, I really don’t want to know what it was.
The other fun, unexpected surprise I got in Reno was the number of homeless people wandering around the streets and finding their way inside the casinos. Security in the hotels was kept rather busy by the flow-through of destitute wanderers coming in to beg food from the restaurants and use the casino restrooms to bathe in the sink.
And the situation only got worse once you went outside.
One morning, I was walking along the sidewalk, trying to make my way to another casino a few blocks down the road. I passed a woman sitting on the ground, leaning up against one of the buildings that seem to be constantly under construction in that town. She waved a hand at me and asked if I had a lighter.
I told her I was sorry, but that I didn’t smoke.
She then began to scream that I had stolen her lighter.
“What happened to the one you took from me? Where’s the f***ing lighter that I gave you.” And lots of other fun, family friendly stuff like that.
I increased my pace to get away from her. The woman continued to rant and swear. That’s when I realized that in my haste, I had left my wife and in-laws behind. She was now cussing at them.
I felt a little guilty, and almost went back to them, but eventually decided against it. It just wasn’t safe. Like the woman in the high heels that always falls during the chase scenes in every horror movie ever made, the slow ones are destined to be taken out first. It’s simple Darwinism and there is nothing I can do about that.
Somehow, the whole family survived the encounter, and we made it to the next casino. We opened the doors and, upon entry, were immediately hit with that distinctive casino smell: cigarette smoke, carpet cleaner, and the desperate tears of people gambling away their next car payment.
Speaking of cars, one of the casinos was holding a contest to give away a new car. Ten slot machines were lined up in front of a brand new, white Tesla. Anyone that could hit the mega jackpot on any of the machines would win the car. I figured I had as good a chance as any to win, so I sat down.
My daughter, EM1, is in need of a new vehicle since her old one was finally pushed beyond its physical limitations and died. Winning one from a slot machine seemed a natural next step to me.
I sat down with a pocket full of cash and an absolute certainty in my mind that I was going to win a car for my child. Four hours later, I had done it!
Lost all my money. Not won a car. Were you not paying attention? I was in a casino where decades of technology and research have been put into separating idiots like me from their life savings.
I got up and walked away while the Tesla sat on a display floor over my head, taunting me and whispering things like, “Get out your credit card. I’m sure if you spend a couple hundred more bucks, you’ll definitely win me. You’ll hit that jackpot any moment now.”
The car was lying. It just wanted more of my money.
We all left at the end of the weekend, tired, broke, and ready to be back home. We had fun, but it was loud, stressful at times, and expensive. I was looking forward to my nice quiet house and a chance to relax, wondering why I had ever left the peaceful comforts of home in the first place.
I walked in the front door and was immediately met by two adult children, both telling me how hungry they were, and asking what I was going to fix for dinner.
Oh, yeah. That’s why.
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