My air conditioner stopped working. One day, it was humming along just fine, and then the next, I get nothing but hot air blowing out of the vent. Not a great outcome when it’s over a hundred degrees outside and you were hoping for something better than the mid 90’s on the inside.
Fortunately (maniacal laughter in the background), a few years ago I purchased one of those home maintenance warranties for the appliances in my house. The plan includes air conditioners, so I immediately got online and put in a service request for a repair. I received an email thirty seconds later advising that my credit card had been charged $100 and my service request was being reviewed to be sure it fit within the restrictions of my coverage.
That’s right. They were reviewing to make sure they had to fix my air conditioner, but in the meantime they were happy to take my money. I wish I could do stuff like that. It would be nice to work at a store and tell someone, “I will take your money right now, and then I will review our policies to see if I actually have to give you anything in return.
Anyway, apparently the contract said they did have to fix my A/C after all. They sent me another email stating they had sent my request to a local contractor. I would hear from the company within the next twenty-four hours.
I did not hear from anybody within the next twenty-four hours.
I rechecked my email and found some contact information for the contractor and decided I should reach out to them. The email address for the company was just someone’s first name at a personal gmail account. Not exactly the pinnacle of professional presentation. But I was stuck. One of the downsides to a home warranty plan is you don’t get to pick who they send to do the work.
I called the phone number listed and was immediately routed to a voice mailbox with no name on it. I was starting to feel a little insecure about this “contractor” they had chosen for me.
I left a message and asked for the unknown recipient to call me back as soon as possible.
Forty-eight hours later I was still waiting.
I called the number again and this time someone answered the phone. The guy that answered said, “Yeah?”
Good lord. I knew I wasn’t going to be dealing with a Fortune 500 company, but was this really the best my homeowner’s insurance could do? I told the guy my name and what my problem was. First, he asked if anyone had already come out and looked at the A/C unit. My first impulse was to tell him, “I’ve tried hundreds of other places, but I finally realized the only person capable of fixing my A/C is someone with a gmail account who doesn’t know how to set up their voicemail properly. You’re my only hope Obi Wan.” I resisted that urge to be a dick and just said, “no.”
He told me he was really busy and couldn’t come out before next week. I replied that would be fine (despite the weather reports that we would be having 100+ degree heat for most of the coming few days), and he made an appointment to come to the house the following Wednesday.
At the time he made the appointment, he did not ask me for my address or phone number. Imagine my surprise when, a week later, he actually showed up on the day he said he would. It was a small miracle, but it was the only good news I was going to get that day.
When the repair guy opened up my A/C unit, he found several dead frogs that had crawled in, gotten electrocuted, and shorted out the system. Yes, you can read that sentence as many times as you like, it isn’t going to change. I said, “frogs.” The repair guy (let’s just call him “Bad News #1” from now on) looked at me and said:
“I don’t think frogs are covered by your insurance.”
“How do we find out?” I asked.
“You have to call them and ask.”
I called my insurance company and talked to … well, let’s call her “Bad News #2.” I explained the situation and, although I never thought these words would ever come out of my mouth, I asked “Are frogs covered by my insurance?”
BN#2 said she needed to put in a repair request and ask. I would hear back within a couple days. As soon as I passed the word along to BN#1, he was in his truck and driving away. Such a helpful fellow.
I still didn’t have air conditioning.
The very next day, my insurance company called to inform me that they would not cover the repair expenses. Frogs were not an insured item.
“What if the A/C had been hit by lightning?” I asked.
“We would absolutely cover that,” the woman (BN#3?) told me. “That would be considered under the ‘act of God’ part of your contract.”
I hung up in shock. How much more ‘act of God’ do you get than an actual, historical biblical plague of frogs? But nope. Didn’t count. I was going to have to pay for a new air conditioner out of my own pocket. The insurance company had bailed on me.
And they refused to return my initial deposit.
This whole ordeal is why nobody likes insurance companies.
Let this be a lesson to anyone reading this blog. If you ever sign up for a homeowner’s insurance plan, check the fine print.
You might be covered for “Acts of God,” but make sure you’re also covered for acts of frog.
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