It took a little longer than I thought it would, but I finally got out for my first camping trip of 2019. My wife and I had originally planned to do some camping in January and February, but due to some truly remarkable thunderstorms moving through northern California, we opted to forfeit our reservation deposits and stay home.
Of course, both times, despite the ominous weather forecasts, not a drop of rain fell during the dates we were supposed to be gone. We stayed home and complained nonstop about the sunshine and perfectly cloudless skies.
For this most recent trip, when we made our reservations, we were determined to go camping regardless of weather forecasts, wildfires, bears, or whatever natural disasters threatened.
To hedge our bets a little bit, we decided to go someplace that could only be marginally considered a campground. We ended up taking our trailer to the Jackson Rancheria Casino RV park. The “campsite” was outfitted with leveled concrete pads, manicured, real grass lawns, a nearby general store, and full power hookups. There was even a swimming pool and game room attached to the main lodge of the RV park. It wasn’t all comfort and luxury, however. We had our difficulties to content with. For instance, the first night that we were at the park we discovered that we didn’t have any direct streaming capability on our television set, and we were forced to watch basic cable like a couple of wild animals.
And, there were the regular hardships one has to endure while camping, of course: The shower in our trailer is a little cramped. The hiking path around the campgrounds needed to be repaved. Our 70-year old neighbors made quite a lot of noise, partying and carrying on until well past 8:00 PM. And, I was woken up early one morning when the lawn sprinklers turned on next to our trailer.
You know, the usual wilderness stuff.
No uncontrolled fires were allowed at the campgrounds either, but that was no problem. I just fired up our portable propane firepit, poured my wife and I a few (too many?) glasses of wine, and voila! Instant campfire. At least until the bugs came out at sunset, then we went back inside to watch tv.
For food, we brought with us a wide assortment of cookies, crackers, alcohol, chips, alcohol, sodas, water, alcohol, and two pounds of pre-cooked bacon. Why two pounds? Because we were going to be there for a whole three days and, despite our tv situation, we aren’t savages.
Whenever we got the craving for actual food, we had to head for the casino. The main building was too far away to walk, but luckily for us there was a shuttle bus that drove through the RV park every fifteen minutes to pick up people who wanted to go gamble. There aren’t too many campgrounds that offer shuttle service. Most places can’t afford to run twenty-four hour bus service to move you from one cluster of trees in the middle of nowhere to another cluster of trees slightly further away. It doesn’t make a lot of financial sense.
This was a casino, however. They don’t make a lot of money from the people that just stay in their trailers all weekend. They needed a method to relocate you and your cash into the seat of a slot machine with as little effort on your part as possible.
Honestly, I only went to the casino for the restaurants. I had no intention of doing any gambling, yet I somehow managed to come home a couple hundred dollars lighter than when I went. As I walked through the casino, I kept finding slot machines that I wanted to play and thinking to myself, “I’m just going to sit down for a couple minutes and I’m only going to spend ten dollars.” After a while, “I’m only going to spend ten dollars” became, “I have to win back all my money.”
Unfortunately, no matter how many games I played, the money only seemed to flow one way. It turned out the only machines in the casino that were consistently paying out cash were the ATM’s.
On a side note, I do find it interesting that on the base of every slot machine in the building, there was a little metal plate that said, “Have a gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER.” I wonder if that little sign has ever helped anybody. I imagine it’s sort of like the Surgeon General’s warning on a pack of cigarettes. By the time you’re close enough to read it, it’s already way too late to do you any good.
Fortunately, the very quiet and subdued shuttle ride back to the RV park was free, otherwise I might have been trying to hitch a ride on the highway back to my trailer. The only cash I still had in my possession was a dime and three pennies, and I only had that much because thirteen cents was insufficient to pay for one more spin of the wheels. There is very little in this world that is quite as humiliating as a slot machine spitting out a ticket worth thirteen cents, as if it is telling you, “I’m done with you, buddy. You can go now.”
Perhaps the only thing more degrading than receiving a ticket for thirteen cents, is actually going to the reimbursement kiosk and cashing it out. But, there I was, with four coins in my pocket reminding me that I had sunk as low as I could go.
Despite my financial failures, our first camping trip of 2019 was not a total loss. Even though we were returning to our campsite completely broke, we still had everything we needed to salvage the vacation. We had a refrigerator full of alcohol and bacon waiting to cheer us up.
What more could anyone want?
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